So apparently, BBC plays a prank every April Fool. Throughout the 24 hours of news on April Fool's day, they'll slot in one which is fake. I just came across the April Fool's clip for this year's April Fool and I think it's so frigging funny!

 Omg I feel so sad. My stupid BB has just deleted all my smses that I've been keeping for 1 1/2 years ): 

I suppose this is the longest hiatus I've gone on since I started blogging on el-jay. I don't really know what to write about anymore. My life goes in a circle. Day in, day out, it's just routines. I am not complaining about it, because this is my comfort zone.

Today is the last day of school for the year. It doesn't feel exceptionally WOW this year, I don't know why. Maybe the excitement of Boston has worn off. I remember when we were having orientation camp before we started the degree, the director asked, "So why did you decide to join Wheelock College?" The answer on nearly everyone's lips was - Boston! Can't believe that I've been there and back again. Did 5 weeks just fly past like that? In any case, there's a pretty big chance that I'll be back in Boston again next year. For a much longer time. 

Been trying to book tickets to the States for the end of the year. But most tickets are sold out already! The earliest flight that's available right now is for the 20th. Why so late!? I wanna go earlier!

I have taken a break from shopping online. I feel quite proud of myself. At first I thought it might just make me want to shop all the more but I ended up really sian about shopping. The only time I shopped was this week! Cos Cookie Monster's daddy said he'll buy me two pairs of shoes! Can't wait for them to arrive hehe.

This is a really pointless entry but I just wanted to fill up the empty space. 

HELLO 3 MONTHS HOLIDAYS!

 It's 4:35am right now but somehow, my Chua and I are up blogging on our respective journals. Crazy much? Most probably because the two of us K.O.ed very early last night. We were having our dinner in our dorms, watching a Japanese drama online and our eyes were threatening to close at anytime. 

 Greetings from halfway round the world!

After sitting on my butt for more than 20 hours, I am finally in rainy, cold Boston. Having freshly made pizza at night in the cold is just about the best thing ever. Made the pizza taste so much nicer too. I foresee my days ahead to be full of eating and shopping!

Make way for me, Boston!

Time has this strange way of creeping up behind our backs and surprising us when we least expect it. Can't believe how much time has past. Previously, I keep thinking that I still have alot of time left but suddenly, time is so damn tight for me. So many things to do in so little time. 

I feel like a smug chipmunk just thinking about all the awesome shopping deals I'm about to face. Decisions decisions. This is a critical part of my life to come.

I think I'm quite an efficient worker when there's the right amount of stress and motivation. I kept procrastinating about my work and couldn't concentrate for even half an hour. Suddenly, I'm able to finish 2 reflection papers in just under an hour and it scares me. Like, I could have saved so much time if I had started on my assignments earlier!

And because of my procrastinating spirit, I spent my birthday at home doing my assignments after the awesomest lunch ever at Black Angus. The Bukit Timah outlet is so spiffy, the ambience is perfect. I especially loved the old colonial house that it is in, the high ceilings and the natural lighting that spills from the big windows. Oh and not forgetting all the big grand trees right outside the windows. 

This evening, we rushed to the airport to send dad off for his conference in KL. When we reached the airport, we realised that he had forgotten his passport and had to rush home again when his flight was taking off in just under an hour's time. It was a mad rush and we were weaving in and out like the reckless drivers we usually cuss at. 

Life in retrospect has been pretty damn awesome. I have much to be thankful for (: 

Many people always think that I'm a constant. It's like, oh no matter what happens, Laura will always be there. Sometimes, I feel like people take it for granted that I'll always be there. The thing is, I. Might. Not. I hope there would not be a day when you wake up and realize that I'm not in your life anymore because I got fed up with always being there while I do not get the same treatment back. I can do it, but I'm just not. Not yet.

Nobody ever realizes how tiring it is for me to try to be that constant. I don't feel like a constant but I try. It gets tiring sometimes but I will still go on trying to be there for you.

Do you know how flitting my heart is? My heart flits so much that it clearly doesn't belong right here in Singapore anymore. But then again, that has been the case since young. I've never really taken root anywhere.

That's why I have to put in extra effort to be that constant you all think I am. That's why I always like going out one-on-one, rather than in a group. Because in a group, though you want me to be there, I can't. There's others who want me to be there too. So what can I do? Maybe I shall just beg out and let y'all talk to each other instead. Going out one-on-one allows me to just focus on you and it doesn't tear me apart to be everywhere. I know there needs to be a balance, but it is a balance that my heart cannot give yet. It is a balance that my heart is incapable of. It is a balance that might never happen, but I try. I swear I do try.

So please just acknowledge my efforts sometimes and not just think of the times when I'm sian. Like I said before, sometimes "I'm so tired of fighting for all the people I care about. So if you want me in your life, you'll find a way to put me there."

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While this is not to anyone in particular, I have to acknowledge the presence of a few people who try to be constants in my life too: Chuachua pops, lovergirl, Lougong, Stef, Sekret Lurver, Stix & my Seafood. <3

Feeling totally absent-minded today.

Firstly, I can't find my cellphone. I don't know where I chucked it ): but I really can't find it ): if I sms you with my old number, please don't be surprised. It is just me. Good ol' Laura. 

Secondly, I have this mug of water sitting on my table, next to my laptop. I have totally no recollection of how the mug of water came about. I am tempted to drink it, but I am scared as well. I should probably just pour it down the drain. 

Thirdly, I went out to get my American visa photo done. Went out all happy because I've been procrastinating for too long. And thanks to Kelvin for always reminding me about it :P then I realised I shouldn't have worn my free camp tee shirt ): and it was bright yellow too. Now I have a visa photo where I look like an illegal immigrant. I smiled at the camera. Then uncle said, "Girl ah. Don't need smile so happy one. Just 微笑 can already." And I was like, "But uncle, I am very happy leh. Can't control my smile." Then he said, "Just try. Don't need smile so big. Okay, that's right! Vellieeee guuuuud."

That sums up my day thus far. 

Now I need to find my phone. I have practically given up on finding my BB. I am also secretly happy that I can use my old Samsung. Oh, how I miss it.

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Okay, thanks to Kelvin, I have found my BB! Oh poor Samsung of mine.

Bitch in the library. Seriously a damn pain in the ass. Can't believe how selfish some people can get and still think that they are right. And better still, turn around and say that others are selfish. You're the damned pig.

It's about time for another update on this stagnant journal of mine. 

Haven't had the chance to hang out with many friends. The only person that I've hung out with outside of school thus far is D. Make that twice, and that's about it. I am sorry to people like Pei Wen, Chloe, NANA Boy, STALKER, Lilipops, Simon, Annie and Tim. I know, I am super like 吊起来卖 ): please forgive me. I do not have good time management skills. I suppose Bitch Slayer T will have something to say of this since he has taught me how to prioritize time.. Which clearly, I have not been putting to use ): I am sorry, BST. Your words are wisdom, I should learn to pay heed to them!

School has been really taxing of late. First, it was the compilation of my Professional Portfolio and a mock interview with the lecturers where we had to wear semi-formal clothes. The compilation was such a great feat that when I was finally done with it, I just wanted to hug it to sleep before surrendering it to my lecturers the next day. It gave me a really accomplished feeling just by looking at it because it holds all the work that I love best which I've done with my children in different childcares. 

Chua and I went on a jaunt down to Ikea for some meatball loving after our interviews. It has been a long time since Chua and I spent some time together like that. Girlfriend quality time (: you are my bff, ccbb HAHAHA. Lurb chiuxz too (: miss those sleep-overs, neoprints-taking and those Vietnam times. Meow~

The next session of interview (exactly a week after mine) saw me going down to Ikea again. This time, with lovergirl! We braved the heavy storm and puddles of water to collect our new items that we bought online. This is such a fine description of 爱美不要命.

And then, the nightmare started. 3,000 words essay on Information and Communication Technology which I totally don't know nuts about. Every day, I tried to do a little. But every day, I ended up side-tracking alot. Until Sunday (yesterday), when Kelvin made a bet with me that I wouldn't be able to finish by 3pm. So I pulled up my socks, got off Facebook and MSN (the 2 main sources of evil) and I. Did. It! Now I just have to wait to collect my prize of cabonara. Hmm, Kelvin? :D

Stayed back to do work with the girls after school today. We managed to complete our Mentoring Program report and discussed a little about another killer IT assignment. Life seems good at the moment. On track and on time. Nothing gets better than this. Thereafter, glorious holidays (: through it all, Stix, Chua, lovergirl, Sekret Lurver, Lougong, Stef, Stinkray, Cuttlefish, D, Kelvin and a few others have been keeping me sane and encouraging me all the way. I love these people so much! Don't know what I will do without them. Okay, Tarzan Boy, I shall put you in as an afterthought. You have been nothing short of mean sometimes but it's okays. I still love you too (:

I don't know what I want to do with my holidays. Though I feel like working to earn some dough for the upcoming Boston trip, I don't really want to work as well because there's not much time to find a proper job. Maybe I should reconsider my dad's offer of going overseas first. At least I'll have something to do.

Right now, the only plans I have are to finish up the Boston assignments, day out with Mama Margaret's family, day out with my beloved Seafood family, day out with Kelvin, supper/dinner with NANA-Boy and STALKER, dinner with Lilipops, day out with D.. Oh yes, and Ben & Jerry's day with the class! :D

Before I end this rather lengthy and boring post, Hi Stinkray (: I love you, baby love! Thanks for always encouraging me, cheering me up and giving me hugs whenever we see each other in school! (: I shall continue to practice Bella's Lullaby until I am pleased with it but you can have a preview session next week :D secret day!

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Sometimes, I feel sad. We are all growing up so fast. Kayla just messaged me the other night to tell me that 猪八戒 and her are getting engaged at the end of the year. Though I feel so happy for them, I just can't believe it. I will always remember her as the 19 years old girl that I first met in class on a fine Shanghai winter morning. I really wish that time will stop sometimes. But of course that doesn't happen in reality so I just get on with my life, looking back sometimes. 

I told NAla about it the other day. She said, "Lala, we're always growing up right? I feel the same way you feel too. But don't worry. Let's just take our time. Though I know they are older than us, but you remember? When they got to know us, we were considered teens. When they are our age, they are probably the same. So take it easy, we don't wanna catch up with growing up. Once we've grown up, we can never be 22 again. And do things the childish young way. This is our last chance, you know? So be happy girl! Okay? (: when we reach Kayla's age, we'll get engaged too! And when we are YW's age, we go study in France together, oui? C'est bon idee oui? Hugs."

I miss you, mah gurl. I need you to come home soon, for purely selfish reasons. No one understands me like you do. The things that we have gone through, both the good and bad, I will never trade it for anything else in the world. Just like how Scripp, Scrapp and Scoopp will be part of our Shanghai memories too (:

"Sometimes, in our relentless efforts to find the person we love, we fail to recognize and appreciate the people who love us. We miss out on so many beautiful things simply because we allow ourselves to be enslaved by our own selfish concerns.

Go for the man/woman of deeds and not for the man/woman of words, for you will find rewarding happiness, not with the man/woman you love but with the man/woman who loves you more.

The best lovers are those capable of loving from a distance far enough to allow the person to grow but never too far to feel the love within your being.

To let go of someone doesn't mean you have to stop loving; it only means that you allow that person to find his/her own happiness without expecting him/her to come back. Letting go is not just setting the other person free, but is also setting yourself free from all the bitterness, hatred, and anger that you keep in your heart. Do not let the bitterness take away your strength and weaken your faith, and never allow pain to dishearten you; but rather let yourself grow with wisdom in bearing it.

You may find peace in loving someone from a distance, not expecting something in return. But be careful, for this can sustain life but can never give enough room for us to grow. We can all survive with just beautiful memories of the past, but real peace and happiness come only with open acceptance of what reality is today.

There comes a time in our lives when we chance upon someone so nice and beautiful and we just find ourselves so intensely attracted to that person. This feeling soon becomes a part of our everyday lives and eventually consumes our thoughts and actions. The sad part of it is when we begin to realize that this person feels nothing more for us than just a friendship. We start our desperate attemp to get noticed and be closer, but in the end our efforts are still unrewarded and we end up feeling sorry for ourselves. You don't have to forget someone you love. What you need to learn is how to accept the verdict of reality without being bitter or sorry for yourself. Believe me, you would be better off giving that dedication and love to someone more deserving.

Don't let your heart run your life, be sensible and let your mind speak for itself. Listen not only to your feelings but to reason as well.

Always remember that if you lose someone today, it means that someone better is coming tomorrow. If you lose love, that doesn't mean you failed in love.

Cry if you have to, but make sure that tears wash away the hurt and the bitterness that the past has left with you. Let go of yesterday and love will find its way back to you. And when it does, pray that it may be the love that will stay and last a lifetime.

There are two ways to live your life: One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

There is no mistake so painful that love cannot forgive, no past so bitter that love cannot accept, and no love so little that we cannot start all over with."

Yesterday, my dad asked me if I wanted to travel. He told me to just look around, tell him where I would like to go and he would provide the tickets for me. He said I could either find friends to travel with or just travel alone (which I don't mind at all). At first, I thought it was just a joke. But he mentioned it about 2 times last night. 

And then I thought he meant like, nearby countries such as Hong Kong, Taiwan etc. But he suggested Europe without any given time frame to be back home. Europe sounds enticing. I've always wanted to visit Europe. See the Big Ben, the Tuscan/Provence countryside, visit my cousin in London, Youri in Netherlands etc. 

But I decided I would rather stay in Singapore this time round since I'm flying off to Boston in mid-June. Save that ticket for another year otherwise it'll feel like I'm using up all my good luck at one go. Imagine going to both Europe and America this year and being stuck at home the next year. So I've decided to spread it out nicely like jam on a toast and maybe just work before I fly off to Boston so I could buy shitload of stuffs home without feeling that guilty.

This was the list that I dreamt up when my dad asked me to think of somewhere I would like to go:
- Japan
- Shanghai
- Europe (not my suggestion because I thought it was out of my league!)
- Australia
- New Zealand
- Korea

I should really try not to go back to places that I've been a few times already but I just can't help it. Japan, Shanghai & New Zealand are just too special to me.

And now, I have to stop dreaming and friggin' get my portfolio done. Ugh, the reality of life.

 I'm almost embarrassed to complain about school these days. During the first 6 weeks of this semester, I kept whining about how tiring school was because frankly, it was crazyass tiring at that point. 9 to 5 everyday with 54 assignments due in that 6 weeks was seriously no joke.

Now that the intensive period is over, it's almost too.. Slack. Yes, I'm afraid that is the case. I go through each day without doing much at all. It gives me a very unsecured feeling. I don't know if I'm too slack because there are unknown assignments out there waiting for me or because there really isn't anything to do. I mean, I double- and triple-check my assignment outlines and there really isn't anything to do but I just don't feel.. Safe about it. 

Having slacked the past month away, I feel sort of rusty getting into the mood of assignments again. Like I'm supposed to start on this uber lame assignment right now and the only thing I can think of is, "Ey, how to start?", "What do I write?", "How do I write it?" and "How should I format my paper?"

Zz this is seriously not good. Need to get back into the groove! 

Also, because I know you will read this, I love you CHUACHUA POPS! Even though I may be the 2nd or 3rd or 4th or 5th in your life! Oh, I am your only best friend now! Because your MALE best friend is no longer your best friend per se! WOO, I just got upgraded! <3

Okay, so the general mood I'm having right now is quite ugh. I just feel like saying, "F this shit" but of course I'm not going to say it. Self-control or something.

It's not like my group isn't making any effort in our research project. I mean, we are trying really hard to get the whole project together. God knows how many times we have edited our proposal. But S & R are like, 八字不和. What S wants isn't what R wants. What R wants isn't what S wants. And we are caught in the middle of it all. And we edit our proposal like crazy just to make both of them happy. 

And then, I don't know why, but my group is always left out of the loophole! Like seriously!? First, we got left out of the loophole because S forgot to tell us that she would like us to add references into our Introduction and a million other minor details that will end up killing us. I mean, she said she forgot- that was her own words. "I'm sorry, but I forgot to tell your group blablabla.." And then we get a friggin' C for our final proposal even though she acknowledged it was her fault. And she said she can't change the marks anymore. R thought it was absurd that we got a C when our draft proposal was a solid A at 28/30. But still, nothing can be done about it. The laughable thing is that she said, "Well, don't be upset. At least it's still a strong C *smiles*." Hello lady, I don't care whether it's a strong C or a weak one. It doesn't make any difference to me. At the end of it, I still get a friggin' C. C in my college = fail. B- is the minimal grade. Again, cue smile, "Well, I guess you just have to work harder this term, right?" Well, no matter how much I work my butt off, I can't get a friggin' A. If I get an A, my marks will still turn out to be B. Which is a borderline pass.

So anyway, my group sent her our edited proposal again yesterday. The email that she sent back said that she was surprised we were sending her the email only on Friday when the deadline is on Monday. My group's first reaction was, "What the hell. Monday!? Nobody told us anything about Monday!?" And then she said that she needs us to be willing to put in the extra effort.

I hate this. It is not like we are not putting in the extra effort. It's more of, we don't even know what's going on. You're not telling us what's going on, what can we do? And in turn, it makes S think we are horrible students who do not want to put in the extra effort and yet want to complain about our grades.

But really, you don't know how much we are doing and going through just for this module.

Hate this shit.

I thought of a bunch of stuffs to write while on the bus home just now. Let's see if I can remember any of it.

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Today, I realised how dependent I actually am on my iPod which I affectionately call Jim. I went out with lovergirl and Stef after school and the journey home was long and lonely without my iPod ): I can't believe I forgot to bring my iPod out! Omgah, this is seriously a first. But it really did felt sort of lonely. 

Just the other day, Beethoven's 3rd Symphony - Eroica came up on my playlist. It brought about a whole truckload of MEP memories- mostly of Michelle and Deborah and how we were the black sheeps of the class because our breaks always last more than 45 minutes and how we always never hand in our compositions at the end of the day. I came home, dug out the orchestra scores for Eroica and had a fun time reliving those times when I had to stuff informations of the symphony into my holey brain. 

It was also fun to see how my handwriting has changed. In Secondary 4, I used to think I have quite awesome handwriting. Now that I see it again, it's a little er... =_=;

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I bought an umbrella at Esprit just now and it has blings on it! While I am not that big on the whole bling deal, I think it's rather pretty. I don't know where my sheep-printed umbrella has gone ): which also reminds me that mehmeh's umbrella is still with me! Having a new umbrella made me wish that it would rain so that I could use my umbrella. Then I realise that if I used my umbrella, it meant that I would have to dry it on the front porch and collect it either later tonight or tomorrow morning. I hate the hassle of waiting for an umbrella to dry. I wish that I have an umbrella that would magically dry itself up after use! 

Looking at the previous post and this entry made me realise that I actually hate the waiting process while something dries. Wow, I have such a great reflective skillxz. My American lecturers would be so proud of me!

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Lovergirl bought a DS for herself just now! And with that, we can go on our low-budget outings, muahaha! Our very first low-budget outing was at Chomp-Chomp where we spent an hour sitting at the bus stop. She played with my WordSearch book (that she bought for me!) while I trained my cyborg. Now that she has her own DS, our cyborgs can finally battle! 

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I like the font on my new watch and I can't stop looking at it. So people, please come and ask me the time in school whenever you see me k! :D

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Right now, I'm waiting for my brother and his girlfriend to come home. While she has been to my house multiple times, this is her first official visit and the first time she's meeting my mum. Makes me wonder how her visit would go.... MUAHAHA. Good show ahead!